Fat Albert Stages 2005

Keevil Airfield, Bath, Saturday 30th July 2005

Report by Chris Bown

Jez Warrant and (new member) Chris Bown - Vauxhall Nova 2.0

A cracking 93-strong field included 3 Metro 6R4s, an ex WRC Impreza, RS200 and any number of well sorted MkII Escorts, right down to classics including an MG Midget, Mini Cooper and Saab 96. Number 82 was the Edworthys-backed Jez Warrant with co-driver Chris Bown - Jez on his second outing, hoping for a finish this time after stuffing a wishbone and popping a shaft first time out at Oakington. The Fat Albert stages are on MOD-owned land, the stages combining long, wide tarmac and concrete - with baled chicanes - and a very tight nadgery bit on concrete roadways not much more than a car wide, with grass or bushes either side.

Apart from the necessary repairs, the car had benefited from the installation of an LSD and a new (highly sensitive, as it turned out) WRC-spec handbrake lever to replace the stodgy Nova original. Jez had had all of 10 minutes shakedown on the Aylesbury ring road - and discovered when they tried to align the wheels that the rear beam was bent. No time to change it - but a good excuse in case of pants performance!

SS1 and nerves kicked in - not helped by getting the hang of the new handbrake lever; we stalled on the first hairpin, and whacked an oil drum on the exit of the inside of the next corner. After that, things quickly got better, and we caught two cars - proving the custard Nova is very fast on the straights. Finished 76th. Dropped rear tyre pressures all round, to calm the rather snappy rear end.

SS2 same course as SS1 - much smoother with Jez beginning to get the hang of the modified car, braking later and we chopped 47 secs off our SS1 time. Excited to be catching an Audi Quattro - until he pulled off with mechanical problems.

SS3 and a slightly modified layout 0.2 miles longer - only took us 1 sec longer than SS2. Car drifting well through open bends. OSF strut a bit loose; the Edworthy service team of Si and Ed whip it off, tighten it and pop it back on in not much more than 10 minutes.

SS4 repeated SS3, with Jez getting more aggressive and we overtook the Mini starting 30 secs ahead of us. Cutting corners on the nadgery bit led to a mighty thump and we got some air. With the co-driver's door not opening cleanly after the stage, things had clearly moved about, and the NSF needed a close inspection; strut number two came off for a tighten and realignment. Going back on, the tyre looked a bit soft too and had to be swapped (culprit was a flat-spotted inner rim, victim of the thump). Still, we were up to 51st.

SS5 was a tidy affair with the plan to cut back a notch on the aggression, just one spin as Jez experimented with a new approach to a tight bus-stop. Up to 48th overall, and 9th in class.

SS6 and it starts raining. Quick service check on the wipers and off we went, the car drifting nicely. We took the Mini again and were just 4 seconds slower in the wet than SS5 time in the dry - up to 46th overall.

SS7 and time to reverse course direction. It's still raining, and we've no wets to swap onto, so easy as she goes and dodge the standing water. No drama, just a 270 at one junction and a brief grass cutting episode, but we didn't hit anything.

SS8 and it stopped raining. With the tight nadgery bit now covered in mud, we went straight on at a square right - then overcooked a handbraked hairpin and nudged a barrel - but emerged unscathed and snipped another 5 secs off our SS7 time. Up to 41st overall.

SS9 and someone's turned the rain tap right on. OK on the concrete section, but on a long, tarmac'd straight, close to flat out, we aquaplane and pirouette 180 degrees. I've never been so fast backwards, and look round to see if there's anything hard and static in our path, but with great presence of mind, Jez nudges the handbrake, spins the wheel and boots it, and we're on our way again - perfectly on line for the next junction. Phew.

SS10 and Jez is desperate to avoid a DNF. Still pissing down, both front struts feel a bit loose and so we go very carefully - taking 30 secs longer than SS9. As a final flourish, Captain Sensible decides to cut the final junction via a muddy patch, throwing the car completely off line and sending us for a major drive in the long grass before tidying it up for the flying finish.

Fantastic teamwork from the Edworthy's crew, Simon and Ed showing commendable speed and ingenuity in keeping the car together - and Jez's first finish. The car's fast, that's for sure; a bit of suspension tweaking, and a few more stage miles of driving, and the Edworthy's custard Nova could be a force to be reckoned with. Final position 8th in a class entry of 23, and 40th of 85 starters - and the car is good to go for the next one; should go even better with a new beam ensuring both rear wheels are pointing forward!